“Remember when we were kids and we’d see something like this
and have that urge to run and slide?” Launie asked referring to the sheet of
ice our back porch had become.
“Yeah,”
“It’s funny how being an adult changes that. Now you think
about all the things that can go wrong-“
“Like compound fractures!” I cut in.
“What?” Launie’s face was almost expressionless save for a
small hint of WTF?
“Haven’t you ever seen one of those? Oh my god.” I defended.
“Um,…”
“Those are the one’s where the bone breaks through!” (Fake
gagging for emphasis)
Blank expression.
“Never mind.”
“You know,” he finally speaks after an eternity of WTF face,
“That’s an awful big list of fears you keep adding to.”
“It is NOT….There’s not that many…is there?”
This got me thinking. Now I’m doing a mental tally.
Let’s see. Things that Creep me out…
#1 See
yesterday’s post about Costco guy
#2 People
who talk about themselves in third person
Did you know there’s actually a word for this?
Illeism. And oddly enough when I looked up this word it pulled up a
whole bunch about someone I loathe. I suppose that’s one case for why I dislike
it so much, but since I just learned that I can’t claim that it’s the reason.
No, it just…weirds me out.
I don’t know why this bothers me as much as it does. Makes
me want to slap the stupid right out of them, if that were really a
thing…actually, if that were really a thing I’d probably have a lot of assault
charges.
#3 People
randomly bursting out into song
I can’t watch musicals for this very reason. I’ve been
around people before who just start to sing…for no real reason. They’ll like
stare right at you and the whole time I’m not sure exactly what I should be
doing with my face. Do I stare back? Is that rude? If I lock eyes with them it
starts to feel like a creepy serenade. Do I join in? Do I do back-up vocals?
This stresses me. I look away. Why don’t they ever see how visibly uncomfortable I am?? They keep going. I
ultimately will try to engage them in conversation to make them stop.
I was telling my mom about this and she said, “Yeah, but how
often does that really happen? I mean, how often do people just burst into song?”
Around ME? Often.
I had thought that his happened to everyone. Maybe it’s just me? It happens in
stores, restaurants,…it’s just a thing. I don’t know why. Maybe people who are
prone to burst out in awkward song are drawn to me? Someone really needs to do
a study on this. I just want it to stop.
Unless that person is Patrick Stump. Then it’s perfectly
ok.
#4 That Tick Tick Tick walk thing they do in Japanese Horror
movies. (Stutter Walk)
Omg. This one is the worst. Remember that movie The House on
Haunted Hill? Remember the camera scene? The long hallway…the- ok, I’m done.
#5 Food with Faces
Nope, Nope and Nope.
I can’t eat anything that’s looking back at me.
When I was in the military I went TDY to Germany. Some of my
unit went to this really cute little German restaurant off base and my C.O
ordered the fish…it came with the head attached! I nearly lost it. My food with
faces problem goes beyond fish. Goldfish Crackers and chocolate bunnies are
also pretty awkward for me.
#6 Feather Bugs
They’re actually called house centipedes and they’re creepy
af. When Angelica first found one in the closet of her bedroom in a house we
all lived in once, it looked like a piece of a feather stuck to the wall…and
then it moved.
Feather bugs are creepy mofo’s that hang out on door ledges
and jump at you. They have paralytics in their legs which is good for killing
wasps. Traps don’t work. They just rip off their legs and go on their stupid
creepy way…back to a hiding spot to scare you from. Awesome.
Needless to say we didn’t live there long. I’m not posting a
picture because I don’t want nightmares every time I open this blog post. Go
ahead and look it up yourself. Then you can have nightmares too. You’ve been
warned.
#7 Compound
Fractures
…because omg…ugh…I can’t even-
Ok, so my list may be a little odd, but it’s certainly not a
long one! I may have missed a couple things that I won’t realize until I
encounter them. What about you? What creeps you out?
This is too funny. Weirdo!
ReplyDeleteThis is absolutely awesome. It's good to have a good old chuckle before bed! Love it!
ReplyDeleteLOL now I am compiling my own list in my head. #1 is flexible/double jointed people. I am especially freaked out by Cirque du Soleil
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! How did I miss that one! I knew I forgot something!
Delete