Know what creeps me out? I mean, worse than people that
refer to themselves in third person? (Because I’m really uncomfortable with
that. Like, on a deeper level than most people understand.) The people at
Costco that are pitching random stuff and keep talking…even when no one is there. There is something really deeply
disturbing out this for me. It’s usually the non-food sample people that do
this. It’s like they're mad that they got the crappy sample gig for the day so
they’re making us all pay.
Ok, so let me backtrack. Launie and Angelica and I went to
Costco this afternoon. This should have been a fun little outing, well, as fun as super packed Costco can be. But,
anyways. Everything was going along just fine until we turned the corner near
the back of the store and there’s this woman going all Blair Witch on some
fabric softener.
WTF.
NOT OKAY.
HELL NO
When she finally did move, she took her vacant blank ass
scary face and meandered over to frozen foods.
Nope. SO much nope.
(*Update, Launie told me he saw her too and believes that she couldn't see very well and was reading the back of the fabric softener boxes...Still not okay.)
via GIPHY
As we continue through the store, navigating around packed
sample tables, seemingly abandoned carts with kids in them, and at least two
separate people pushing carts full of
light bulbs we wind up near the snack food stuff at the front of the store
where Angelica is milling over jars of nuts. There’s a guy behind us trying,
and not very effectively I might add, to pitch vitamins.
“These are really good for men and women,” he says to no one in particular.
“These vitamins contain all the essential blah blah blahs-“
I may have add-libbed there a little.
Often he would trail off mid sentence. Sometimes he’d just
start talking even when there was no one even in his vicinity. It was as though
he had to keep talking no matter what. I wondered if there was something in his
contract that required him to say so many words in so many minutes. What could
be the driving force of this fruitless endeavor??
And he won’t stop talking. More words. Incomplete sentences.
Hopeless hooks thrown out to anyone and possibly even anything that will
listen.
As I’m standing there, waiting on Angelica, refusing to
make eye contact with creepy non-stop talking vitamin guy, worried that I may
give him encouragement and could wind up spending the rest of my life standing in the
middle of Costco listening to a vitamin pitch, he suddenly materialized right
next to me.
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And I’m not even kidding, I almost got the word “Nope” out
of my mouth, but he beat me to it. He offered Angelica help with her jarred
nuts selection.
And I almost noped him. Right in his face.
I’m an asshole.
I assumed he was maybe tired of talking to the air, walls,
vitamins, and himself and was trying to pitch them to us.
He wasn’t. He was super nice. He even pointed out that one
of the jars had pistachios.
Aaaaaaaaand I’m a jerk.
lol I know those people. I always remind myself that they've got a job to do and that's what they're doing but they usually are really nice people.
ReplyDeleteHaha! This was definitely a good laugh!
ReplyDeleteHaha! Too funny! I am definitely going to have to pay closer attention next time I'm at Costco!
ReplyDelete